Alucard in Stonerland!
by Kitty Harasser
Summary: Tired of the normal kickass actiony daring Hellsing? No? Too bad! The cast has landed themselves in a sugarcoated HELL! Made by my friend, Light.


**Alucard in Stonerland**

Characters:

Alucard (Alice)

Integra (Queen of Hearts)

Seras (Cheshire Cat)

Anderson (The Mad Hatter)

Pip (March Hare)

Walter (The White Rabbit)

Disclaimer: Random...was done while i was partially fucked up with my even more fucked up good buddy (the hellish tea party was her very arousing idea) ...

-Once upon a time...alucard got stoned. thanks to some very special chronic stoner friend of mine ...wont point fingers...ahem Tatny! walking around britain with all the other britty crackheads, he trips like all weedheads and falls in to a hole...no not that hole you perverts...the kind on the floor. falling and falling.

"damn..im falling" thought alucard out loud...was it outloud?...whatever no one cares cause hes a stoner, a very hot one may i add.

just as he was about to hit the ground... micheal jackson appears beside him

"hey there little boy" oh no! alucard run! whatever...then you know...the dick goes in the asshole...and the screams of agony...and you know i wont really like...yea...moving on. a very traumatized...or was it aroused? alucard makes his way through an elongated hallway full of pictures of hot naked drag queens... in french bikinis (dont ask...no...wait...do ask...so i can rip your nuts off). Oh yeah...starts masturbating he gets to a tiny little door...breaks it and goes in (that. whole key thing can suck my dick).

he goes into the wonderful miraculous world of heroin! or did the crystal meth do it? could have been the weed...well w/e of the things he did was...he was there so like...go fuck yourself or something. while he was walking down a yellow brick road wearing ruby slippers and a pin up girl blue and white frill lingerie outfit...oh crap wrong story...well...w/e. so as he was walking, pondering a way to get more weed and get back to the hellsing agency, he trips over an air particle, busting his lip. stupid vampires nowadays. theyre so dumb, and sexy.

out of a sudden, walter, wearing a sexy corset white and pink bunny outfit comes and helps alucard up, only to hear 'im slim shady' playing in the background and they start breakdancing. a cloud of chocolate covered midgets then comes and gets it on with them in an all out breakdancing competition.

after getting owned by the midgets...alucard asks walter

"would you by any chance know a way of getting out of here?" walter just shakes his head and hops away, little bunny corset and all, into an alien spaceship, driven by giant weenies (Invader Zim Spinoff XD), only to get shot down by rednecks. (no offense to those texas people out there...wait...yea...i hate you all.)

alucard sighs, and, a tad pissed off, the heroin beginning to lose its god given effect, continues to walk, making his way into a dark, dark forest. with trees made of weed! YEAH!...sorry about that couldnt contain myself.

so lighting up a joint and stuff sits on a rock (no not the drug kind the ...well...rock kind) begins to cry for no particular reason. except maybe that drugs are like steroids and streoids make your penis disappear. at the sound or w/e of his tears, seras, in a bulgy fatass cheshire cat costume pops out of no where (shes still hot).

"alucard! dont cry! ill help you get home! all you have to do is click your heels together and say theres no place like home!" alucard stands there...

"who the fuck are you and how do you know my name?"...seras looks down disappointed and says "i see then my master, you are heavily fucked." and disappears.

alucard just shrugs and takes another puff of his weed. just then, little chibi george bushes come and start knawing on his dick. "ugh!" he pushes them off and runs, running headfirst into a tree, the tree then coming alive and swallowing him whole.

he gets dropped assfirst into a tallhedged maze "FUCK! MY ASSHOLE!" (yeah right...he knows he likes it. i should, like, put on a strap-on and fuck his ass).

following along a little path paved with dog shit he comes across a little house shaped like a bunny...but missing one ear looked pervertingly wrong.

he walks in to find the march hare and mad hatter in a terribly compromising position.

"thats not where your supposed to stick your cross!" yelled pip.

"well im SORRY like your ass is letting me SEE!" retaliated anderson.

"holy shit" muttered alucard, and turned away traumatized, as he fell to the ground in fetal position, later fainting from both shock and overdose.

about a couple hours later he awakes to the sound of horns blaring and the ground shaking.

"WTF" he whispers and hides behind a tree of tacos ( YAY MEXICAN FOOD!).

out of the colorfully clad terrified poeple comes the source of the commotion, integra.

"alucard! What in blazes are you doing in that ridiculous outfit? get out of those tights right now and into my pants!" she screamed.

"huh?...ok."

and then they all have a pornographic, hand cuff/wet t-shirt tea party in hell.

THE END

any comments, complains, or mental anguish charges should be sent to my gay friend because i wont bother to reply you for shit...but my friend might...if she doesnt stalk and kill you.


End file.
